Don't really know...

Well, it's Hallowe'en, but I'm not out celebrating because a) I'm in Spain and b) I've no one to go out with anyway. It's funny, sometimes I feel like I've made some friends here and that it's OK - there are people I can hang out with or meet up with for a drink, but other times I feel so alone here. Even on the better days when I feel a bit more content, I know that I don't really have that many friends here, and the ones I do have I can't rely on to actually be there for me, the same way I could with my friends at home, but sometimes I do get awful lonely and feel so sad about being here, away from my friends, and what I'm starting to think of as 'My Real Life': the one in Scotland, where I have friends and a social life, and ambitions. Here, I just potter along, scraping by on the money I make, and trying to keep my head above water - both financially and emotionally. I've reached the stage now where I think I'm going to go back home at the end of my contract at the bar - 6 months from now, the end of March. Usually that seems not too far away, but jsut writing it now, it suddenly seems to be looming ahead like a long, straight dusty road. The end is there somewhere but how long as I going to have to keep walking alone til I get there?

Mind you, I also know that things aren't that bad - I'm of a very optimistic disposition, and I appreciate the fact that i Have a job that I genuinly enjoy, and that the people are nice there. I've only been there a month now, but the other girls who work there are pretty good friends, and there's no reason to think that I won't become close friends with them too, with a wee bit more time. I get along with them well and stuff. We're all going for a lunch together on Sunday, because one of the women who also works there is leaving, so I'm loking forward to that - I feel like it'll be nice to hang out and jsut try & be me, not 'me in work', when I'm always a bit more stressed,and even when I'm not, I still feel a bit like the new chick and sometimes still a bit insecure,w hich I hate. It all comes from me though, no-one's ever done anything or said anything to make me feel ill at easy, they've been nothing but welcoming. Still, I'm really going to psych myself up for going out and showing them all how I think I really am, because I know that I'm fun and I can be witty and good company, and I just want everyone else to know that too!

Nothing to write, really...maybe I'll feel like more on-line musings later (now that I finally have WIFI access in my flat!)