Hanging on by a thread

Well, I've had about the laziest Sunday ever, just watching tv all day, chatting on MSN and going for a short walk. I was working in the pub last night til 3am, so I feel justified in taking it easy today!

So tomorrow is the day I'm meant to pay the first installment to the bank, and I'm feeling really nervous about it. I'm terrified that my wages from the pub won't go through in time, and that I won't be able to pay it. My parents already helped me out by paying off a big chunk of the first payment, with money that my granny gave them to give to me, so tomorrow all that's left is 90 pounds, but if my wages haven't come through then I don't have that!! Going to have to get up first thing in the morning to check my bank balance, something tells me the money isn't going to be there. I bet my work only puts the money in on Monday, instead of last Friday, which means that it won't be through in time! Shit. I just feel like I'm balancing a tightrope and that it's completely touch and go whether I'll make it to the other side or not. Once this payment is made I'll feel more at ease, but until then I'm going to be shitting myself.

I managed to find pretty cheap flights home for Xmas, so hopefully I'll be able to get them booked soon, and my cousin who works for that airline said she might even be able to get me a discount, which would be fantastic, and would help me out a lot.

I really believe that I have someone, or something, watching over me who helps me out and guides me when I ask for it, but I feel like I've been asking for so much recently - for things to be OK with the bank, with my flatmate, and now with these flights. Well, I am hugely greatful for all the help I've been given so far, and now I'm just asking for things to not go badly - I don't need things to be great or easy, but just for things not to go horribly wrong...

I don't know if it's better to think positive and hope that everything will be alright, or to try and not get my hopes up. I'm optimistic by nature, but I tend to crash pretty hard when things that I'd psyched myself up for come crashing down around me.

I'm going to watch a film to try and distract myself, and I'm just praying that things tomorrow go smoothly.