A Small Bit Of Peace

Well, I got the first payment to the bank made, and I do feel slightly relieved but the overall sense of crappiness hasn't diminished all that much. I think it's because my granny gave me some money to help me out, and so did my little brother - so even though the first installment is paid, I feel bad because it wasn't me that paid it, and I know that my mum and dad, and my brother and granny had to worry too and help me out. My dad and mum have been great and haven't made me feel guilty at all, but the thing is that I know they've hardly any money anyway and I hate making them feel like they have to give me money too. Don't get me wrong, I seriously could never have managed all this without their help and I am immensely grateful but I do feel guilty too, which is one of the worst feelings in the world. Anyway, I'm lucky to have them to help me, so I'm not going to bitch about it! And I am keeping track of all the money that people have given me recently so I can pay them back eventually, even if it's not for a while and even if it'll be hard getting them to accept it.

Didn't get pad from my work yet, so I was raging about that, obviously. Here in Spain they just don't give a shit. I mean, back home, no way would your boss be allowed to pay you 3, 4 days late just because. But here people aren't so anal about 'little' things (though it could be argued that Payday is not a little thing at all!) and I guess in normal circumstances it would just be a slight annoyance, but when you're really counting on getting your money on a certain date, it becomes a very big deal. Well, like I said, I managed to get my payment made despite the non-payment, so I'm extremely grateful for that.

PD's in cleaning the kitchen, a tad randomly, seeing as according to the wee rota it isn't her week and I cleaned the whole bloomin' flat on Saturday. I don't know why she's cleaning, I didn't even ask. I might have got pissed off before if I'd thought she was implying that I didn't clean well enough, but I don't even care that much now to be honest. Bigger fish to fry and all that. I know I cleaned pretty thoroughly, if she wants to do it again that's up to her. The only thing that is quite sneaky is that if she is cleaning cos it's her turn this week, then by dong it now it's much easier because there's really not much that needs done thoroughly, but it also means that whoever has to do it next will have a hard time because generally we do it at the weekend and that means that it'll have been almost 2 weeks since the last clean, so the place will be a pigsty. Cheers, PD...

Just got a text message from my best friend back home, saying he's stuck on a train home from work because someone threw themselves onto the track in front of the train. I assume they've died, and in a morbid way I know that even when I was feeling at my lowest this week, I never contemplated suicide, and it helps give you a bit of perspective; whatever that poor person was going through and feeling must have been awful, and although I think there's always a better way out the killing yourself, I hope they've found peace now.